Pride and Heartache

Today was Roscoe's first day of preschool. He was "a little bit" nervous but very (very, very, very) excited. I love and admire how open and excited he is about new experiences.  His passion for life if contagious.  We've visited his school a few times and he never wants to leave, so I knew he'd love it once he get over the transition of it. He slept great last night and was all smiles. He had a big breakfast of oatmeal and raisins "for lots of energy" and (reluctantly) let me take a photo of him for my sentimental side. The teachers encourage parents to stay as long as they need the first days to help the child transition, so I took the morning off to be there if he needed me. At first he was reluctant for me to leave and kept checking in with me. Then after I sat and chatted with another mother on the couch for (relative) ages without seeing our kids around one of the teachers said we could say goodbye and sit in the coffee room if we wanted in case they had a hard time. I told Roscoe I was leaving and he only said "ok mama! bye mama! bye bye!"  All that a half hour after drop off. I think he'll be fine.

Me, on the other hand, I am not so sure about. Him starting school has really thrown me and I don't generally get thrown by milestones.  Friday was a difficult day for me realizing it was his last weekday before drop offs and teachers and show & tell and school pictures. I guess for a lot of moms the first day of school is hard because they will be away from their kids for the first time for an extended time. But Rocs and I have been doing that in some form since he was a few months old. What is breaking my heart is all of those days when he was still home and I wasn't.  On Friday I was thinking we should do something fun that he loves to do that he won't be able to do once school starts - pack a picnic lunch and spend hours at the park or other adventuring. The thing is, I couldn't be the one to do that with him. So instead the nanny took him and Luka and I worked like any other Friday. I am lucky in that I have a more flexible schedule than most working parents and I have always worked from home part of the week to maximize my time with them. But I have still missed a lot.  It breaks my heart that I'll never be able to get those days and weeks and years back with Roscoe. I don't have another option right now, but I will fight to get one. I don't want regret to be what I feel when I remember these precious years.

Another milestone, more growing for each of us.  I'm so proud of my big boy.

This is what happens when Mama asks them to smile (and yes, she has been wearing his shoes all day):

  

The Fair

A weekend (or two?) ago we took the kids to the fair.  The fair is not someplace I would normally choose to spend the day.  Too many people, which makes all of them annoying.  Overpriced everything.  Long lines.

*but*

Going to the fair with kids is something else entirely.  The look on Roscoe's face when he saw the rides and realized he got to actually ride on them was priceless.  No one seemed bothered by the fact that he stood on his toes when they checked his height...  He couldn't even walk from ride to ride, he had to jog.  Roscoe has this special look when he is happy and excited and soaking something up.  It isn't a full smile.  It is a pursed lip semi-smile and a twinkle in his eye.  Riding his first real "roller coaster" with Daddy was worthy.  

Cows, pigs, turkeys, ponies, grilled cheese, corn-on-the-cob, tickets to carry and hand to the man at the gate, motorcycle rides, train rides, car rides, spinning rides, swinging rides... a day of big memories for a little boy.  

(Little Lu did lots of running around and frustrated pointing as Roscoe had all of the fun.  Your time will come, sweet girl!)