By relapse I mean inconsolable crying and not sleeping. I felt like we were making such strides! Sure, me starting work a few weeks ago and getting sick last week (he is improving everyday, by the way) were some bumpy patches, but overall I felt like he was making progress on the "good days." And then we come to now. When did it start? Monday morning? Before then? All I know is that it has been a tough couple of days and it hasn't started to let up yet. I am praying this is only a growth spurt (i.e. finite and short term) and that we will all magically laugh and play and sleep multiple hours in a row before we know it. What this relapse has helped me realize is:
a) Things really were improving. I had *almost* forgotten how ridiculously hard things were when he cried inconsolably all the time. It is exhausting and frustrating and completely defeating. And I realize now that it has returned that we had made a vast improvement in his 2.5 months of life.
and
b) I miss him. Before when he would cry I just thought (more or less) "what the hell did we get ourselves into." Now that we have spent more time together and he is more alert and playful and I know his personality more, I miss all the fun when things are so rough. But I also have more patience because I know that under the fuss there is a happy little clam hiding and waiting for the fussies to pass.
Something else I have been thinking about lately is how quickly the time is passing. Already he is almost 3 months old. Soon he will be sitting up and teething and crawling and eating solids and all sorts of new stuff. I don't want to overlook all of the sweetness that this time offers just waiting to be rid of the harder bits. As a little reflection, here are some of the sweets:
Ten unexpectedly precious and lovable things about right now:
1. Its not like he is able to clean himself so of course you would expect a little toe jam of sock fuzzies, etc. But this boy has little claws for hands and feet! He gets crazy fuzz in his toes and then won't even let you get in there to retrieve it. And those hands! Whenever I pry them open I find little treasures. Fuzz. Strings. My hair.
2. Sometimes I think he is asleep is his carrier and I look down and he is just looking up watching me. And then when he sees me looking he gives me a giant smile.
3. One way we can tell if Roscoe is hungry (vs fussing for another reason) is to put him up against Ray's cheek and see if he tries to "woodpecker." Which involves him opening his mouth like a baby bird and bobbing his head like he is pecking Ray's cheek. It is so cute that sometimes I will wait a minute to feed him just to watch (and laugh).
4. When I hold him in his front carrier both of our bellies stick out just enough that I can feel him breathing in his belly. And I LOVE it.
5. He has this cry that is really more of a cute, pathetic whimper complete with quivering bottom lip and big alligator tears... it is just so freakin cute. I hope he never knows how cute I think it is or he is going to use that to his advantage, I am sure!
6. One of his new tricks (now that he spreads his fingers sometimes) is to rub and grab my belly while he eats. It certainly does nothing for my ego, but I love it nonetheless.
7. Roscoe is learning the art of conversation and we all know he was vocal from his first moments so of course he loves this. I will talk to him and wait and he will gurgle or coo. And then I will make a noise and he will make another noise. All very intently. His Concentration Face mixed in with giant smiles.
8. Roscoe has taken to listening to my conversations and sometimes looking for me when he doesn't see me. Like he knows I'm his mama. *heart*
9. I wrote previously about how much he loves to practice sitting and standing with my help. Well, lately he doesn't have much interest in sitting. Instead, he straightens his legs and insists upon going straight from laying to standing. Odd and adorable.
10. He has such a strong need to suck for comfort that he will suck on any random thing - our clothes, the straps on his carrier, his burp cloth and (one of his faves) Ray's bicep. Thankfully, he sucks on his bicep and not his neck because this giant hickey would have been interesting for Ray to explain to his coworkers:
And a couple more pics for fun...
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