It began with a diagnosis of my bizarro breastfeeding pain (Raynaud's phenomenon - rare and yeah, it hurts). Something to do with blood vessels and circulation and changing temperatures. Usually this affects people's hands and feet, but it can happen to a breastfeeding mom's, well, breasts. You know that feeling you get when you go from extreme cold to a really warm place and your hands kind of burn and you think maybe you just got frostbite (or is that just me)? Well, that is a hint of what this feels like. Obviously when you are breastfeeding you cannot avoid the changing temperatures (every couple of hours at least!) and you also can't avoid that even though you are in pain, this little baby still needs to eat, which causes more pain. Blech. I love my midwife for diagnosing this right away (people can mistake it for thrush and go through rounds of treatment only to realize it is not working so it must be something else...) and then for having me try Niacin (Vitamin B3) for treatment instead of jumping straight to the big drugs. Here's the thing though, Niacin has what is known as a "flush" as a potential side effect. Holy friggin flush. The first few times I took I broke out in a severe sunburn-like rash all over my body. It burned and itched and then I felt feverish and got chills and was shaking. This scared the crap out of me until Google told me what it was and reassured me that it was not unusual. It went away after a couple of hours, but when you are taking it 3 times a day this can put a serious wrench in your day and your morale (keep in mind I still have the pain and a colicky baby on my hands). I called Judi desperately on Saturday morning (on her cell, poor woman) telling her I wanted the drugs asap. She reasoned with me that I may not want to go there yet (she is right) because they are drugs used for people with heart problems and come with there own side effects. Plus they pass to the baby. I am now on half doses and the flush is more manageable for sure. I am giving it a week to see if we can control the Raynaud's with the Niacin alone. Be warned potential Niacin takers: that flush is no joke.
A taste of The Flush:
Then Ray and I bought a new fridge. He had spotted a great one on sale and we finally bit the bullet. Our old fridge has been limping along for as long as I can remember. The freezer defrost thing is all janky so it freezer burns everything pretty quickly and then it leaks water into the fridge. We can't use the back half of the fridge because everything gets wet and then freezes (no consistent temp control going on there). We also can't use the drawers because they flood. And we need to wet vac out the fridge periodically to prevent it from leaking all over the floor and causing many more dramatic problems. As annoying as this is, we have just accepted it as another piece of "character" offered by our old home (I know many of you understand!). Much like the doorknobs that fall off. And the back door that falls off the hinges. And the cracked single pane windows. And the "heater" in the hallway that keeps only the hallway warm and Ray needs to keep relighting the pilot light to even keep that going. Most of the time I have patience for all of this. More accurately, I think I am just used to it all and don't notice it that much. But once in awhile it adds up and I think I am going to lose my mind for a minute. And then there is that beautiful moment that feels like complete luxury when something gets fixed. Tomorrow our new fridge should arrive. It will feel huge to be able to use all of that space and not worry about dripping/freezing/flooding. Ray and I are so excited and inspired by the thought that it makes us want to rip apart the house and fix everything! Ray's voice of reason concluded that maybe we need to wait for the dust to settle from the latest Big Adjustment (i.e. Roscoe) before we take on something else. Smart man.
Then came a wave of shock and sadness. Ray's dad told us he has prostate cancer. How do you even take in that kind of news? Thankfully it was caught in the early stages (yay for Nurse Big Willie hounding him to get his check up exams) and they expect it to respond very well to treatment. He is going in for surgery tomorrow to have a radiation device implanted, which will emit radiation for one year. They expect this to eliminate the cancer. Because of the radiation he cannot be within 3 feet of anyone under the age of 18 for 30 days. This includes his grandchildren who he adores (this is the man who would stop by our house on a random Tuesday morning just to hold Roscoe for 10 minutes). We spent much of the weekend at their house letting him lug around our screaming child to get his fill. I am optimistic about the treatment, but really I think I am mostly in denial. It is hard to comprehend that someone you love has such a scary disease. And he seems the same on the outside as before the diagnosis which I find makes it harder to really grasp. I hope his body responds well and quickly eradicates the evil cells. Get your checks, people. You know what you should be doing, so do it. Because if you are reading this blog, I love you and want you around and healthy.
Through it all Roscoe makes us smile. Even some of his cries are kind of cute (some, not all) which I suppose only a mother would say. Speaking of, I had my first moment where I actually felt like a mama the other day. I was in pain (Raynaud's, still recovering from delivery), feeling like crap (Niacin flush, haven't slept/showered, etc.) and alone with Roscoe. He was in pain (gas presumably) and crying out like someone was stabbing his gut. It broke my heart and I was using every bit of my energy to try and soothe him. It hit me then that this is what it really is about. I love him. I will do anything I can to be there for him and comfort him and somehow set aside my own pain. I must be a mom.
We are having many happy victories with our little Turtle. He is smiling more and more (it could be gas - hard to tell since he is perma-gassy - but he does it when we are talking to him or being silly so it seems real to us...) He also just took his first nap in his bassinet (from his new stroller). This is excellent news because a) he took a 45 minute nap which is its own victory and b) it was in his bassinet which is where he will be napping when I bring him to work with me, so it is quite important that he likes it in there.
Speaking of going back to work, I have either 1.5 weeks left of leave or 2 weeks. It is still being sorted. Time is ticking. We are so grateful and excited that Roscoe's Lala Friend (Ray's mom, aka Big Willie) will be watching him one day a week. The other days he will be working with me at the beginning. At least I can count on one productive day of the week!
In other Roscoe news, I think he broke his own record for outfit changes in one day yesterday when he hit 6 (due to poopie explosions and pee leakages). Thank God for bibs or he would need even more considering his spit up talent. I can only imagine how much laundry I will be doing once he starts running around *gasp*. He also discovered the mobile on his swing yesterday morning. He was really intrigued by it for 1o minutes and I should have been using the precious time to do something with myself, but I couldn't help but watch and laugh as his big eyes took it all in. I think he has had his fill for now though because I have tried since and he is not as impressed.
Another milestone (in my mind) is nearing as Roscoe hits the 6 week mark on Thursday. Since he was a few days old people keep telling us that the fussing and colic and digestive ills will greatly improve at 3 months. I must be really hanging on to that hope because I am very excited that we are about halfway there. Not that I am not enjoying this little bitty baby time, but I am also looking forward to a little less pain and shrieking from the little man.
Roscoe chilling on my legs after a feeding and Ikaika trying to sneak in a cuddle:
Roscoe modeling his dress shirt (made by Laura!):
Our little hippie in his tie-dyed onesie from Traci and fam:
How's that for an update? And we're off...
The window seat:
QT for Mela & Lolo
