The Great Shake Up

Things have been getting a little boring around these parts {*sarcastic chuckle*}, so Ray and I decided to shake things up a bit.  Here are some of the tricks we have up our sleeves:

1.  Ray is contemplating selling the FJ and getting a used 4Runner.  Fiona has been good to us (FJ = Fiona Juachon, duh), but if we want to be a 1 car family long-term it would be more practical to get something more, well, practical.

2.  I am likely taking on another client.  Seems an odd time, right?  Like I should be getting RID of work right now?  Well, this potential client is only 4 BLOCKS away from home and my contact would be the husband of someone I work with at another client (and I adore her!) and they are flexible about me bringing Roscoe with me as needed.  Timing not ideal, but I think it will all work out.

3.  We are buying a new dryer.  Yay!  Well, this was not actually by choice, but because our dryer died.  It is a dinosaur anyway, but I was still a little shocked when I was stuck with a load of wet baby clothes and no functioning dryer.  Thank goodness we are friends with our neighbors and they each have their own dryers downstairs.  Even more lucky is that it broke on the day our next door tenants were moving out and I ran into the unit owner and she said we can use her dryer for the next month since the unit will be vacant.  Perfect timing!

4.  I am also planning to ask for a (significant) raise at my largest client.  If I were to do it all over again, I would have asked for more at the beginning.  Now it is harder to negotiate because of the precedent I have set... ah well.  Wish me luck and wish me courage because I am one huge chicken when it comes to stuff like this. 

5.  We are planning our first family vacation for June.  And it is a road trip.  Because who wouldn't want to spend days in the car with a 5 month old?  We have some CA disability time left from Roscoe's birth, so we might as well live it up.  My grandmother is having a big birthday bash / family reunion in Denver and we are very anxious to meet our newest nephew Ramon, so Colorado here we come!  With stops, hopefully, in the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon and Ouray.


6.  We (almost) just hired a nanny {*deep breath*}; we are just working out the final details.  It is the one we met last Friday and we loved and Roscoe loved and it all seems to be working out just fine, but boy oh boy is it harder than I thought it would be.  I don't think taking him with me or trying to work with him at home is a good idea for either of us in the long-term.  And I don't feel ready to give up my business and stay home full-time right now.  So, I better get used to the idea of him being away from me for at least a few days a week.  I am sure that once we get through this transition and we are all settled it will feel lovely, but right now I am still awakened with visions of her running off with him.  It is different with family watching him - we know where to find them if they take off with him.  So, I am in the process of figuring out how to run a background check to make myself feel a bit better about leaving him with someone I know virtually nothing about.  Though, who am I kidding, she already has a 3 month old at home.  She would be off her rocker to want to run off with another 3 month old.       

7.  Oh, and the whole thing about Ray quitting his job and taking over his dad's business in June/July.

8.  Plus a potential move or refinancing... early stages, so nothing too exciting to report.  Just something else to add to the mix.

That's the latest.  Better strap myself in and enjoy the ride!  

 Bonus:

I was trying to take a picture of Roscoe in his big-boy pants (i.e. not stretchy cotton) because Karen's pictures of Ramon and his "real" pants are so cute.  I tried to get him to smile for me, but then he got so excited he started flailing and I couldn't get a still picture.  But I suppose it is cuter this way anyway.  :)

 

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Here's how our Friday went down this week:

After a fitful night of sleep, Roscoe woke me up for the day by projectile spitting up all over me at 5:something am.  As I cleaned myself off (this required a change of clothes) Ray took him and was trying to suck the sneaky mucus out of his nose (it disappears all day and reappears with a vengeance between 1am and 6am, causing him to choke and vomit).  After a fussy success, he moved Roscoe to reveal a large wet spot on Ray's side of the bed.  Guess he literally scared the piss right out of him (and his diaper).  Ray gets up anyway by 6am so he gave up on sleep while I tried to squeeze out another half hour or something (anything!).  Roscoe wasn't having it and just yodeled at me with mucusy coos as I tried to convince him that sleep would be more fun.

The night before hadn't felt particularly more stressful or rushed than other nights (Ray got off work, picked up Roscoe from Lisa's in Berkeley (half hour away), picked me up on the way home, fed and changed Roscoe just in time to get him down for his 7:30 "nap," fed everyone, walk the dogs, etc.  Well, we must have both been out of it because we forgot to feed the dogs.  At all.  Ray remembered the next morning (poor things didn't even act unusual, they must already be so used to being ignored by us...makes me wonder if we haven't forgotten to feed them on other occasions too in the last few months!)  Then Ray called me at 9am from work because he remembered that he had also forgotten he was supposed to go down to his parent's the night before and sign drawings (his parents are in Egypt).  And the drawings were being picked up at noon (with signatures, presumably).  Oops.  After weighing our options, I went and picked Ray up, we drove down, he signed the drawings, we drove back, dropped him back off at work and drove home.  Just in time for Roscoe and I to catch a bus to meet a nanny at noon.  Whew!  Oh, and in there my sunglasses broke and I came home to find pee and poo all over the kitchen (Ikaika).  ROWRRR (the lion).

Then the big, nasty lion turned into a cuddly, little lamb sometime around noon.  We met with a potential nanny for Roscoe and really loved her.  She is a pastry chef (YUMMY!) and has been nannying also, but now her nanny family is moving back to Mexico.  She also just had her first child, born 2 weeks exactly before Roscoe, and is now looking to stay home with her and take on another child to watch.  It would be at her house (check one), we love her (check two), she is open to part-time (check three), Roscoe seemed very comfortable with her (check four), they are native Spanish speakers and she could speak to Roscoe in Spanish (bonus one), she is a pastry chef (bonus two) and her husband is a chef at this French restaurant in our old neighborhood (bonus three).  At least we know she won't be feeding Roscoe Happy Meals everyday once he is on solids.  Overall I think this is an ideal situation and we are moving ahead with the next steps to see if this will work for all involved.  (Cue inner turmoil and nausea at the thought of being away from Roscoe three days a week... but that is fodder for another post).

THEN, I actually spoke to someone from the disability office that knows what has been going on!  What a turn of events!  Apparently what has been happening is that they are repeatedly submitting a request to The State (Sacramento) to confirm my income.  Um... I am self-employed.  California does not have an official record of my 2009 income yet (taxes not filed, yet).  Plus it is an odd period of time (July '08-June '09), so taxes wouldn't even tell them that.  Yet they keep submitted requests for Sacramento to confirm my income and Sacramento keeps not confirming.  Over and over again.  For 4 months.  And no one thought to try something else.  It is so good to see my tax dollars hard at work employeeing these brilliant minds.  Hurdle number one down (figuring out what is taking so long).  Hurdle number two is now figuring out how to confirm my income for a period of time where the only official record of income is the actual paychecks I have received.  And they already have copies of all of those.  The next step is for me to fax in copies of my 1099s for 2008 and 2009 and hope that they accept that as some additional proof of that income.  One would think, seeing that I am enrolled in an elective disability program for the SELF-EMPLOYED, that this issue would have come up before in other cases and they would have a standard protocol for resolving it.  For real, though, how do other self-employed people confirm their income for non-calendar periods of time?!  Am I missing something here?  But I still count this as a huge, excellent step in the right direction because now I know that the proof of income is causing the hold up and I am assured that at least one intelligent person works in the disability office. 

As if the day could get any better, I also found out that we are getting a partial insurance reimbursement for the birth expenses.  WA-bleeping-HOO!  What a way to start the weekend.

AND our loud annoying neighbors are moving out this weekend!

Maybe the luck will continue and Roscoe will sleep through the night tonight!  (I know it is a stretch considering he still wakes up every 2 hours ALL NIGHT LONG, but a girl can hope). 

Saturday so far has been sunny and beautiful.  We took a long walk to meet friends for brunch and Ray took Roscoe with him to a BBQ across that bridge that is actually happening tomorrow (but I am sure it was a lovely ride).

Happy Birthday shout-out to Traci and hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

Drama for the Mama

Sometimes I get bored with my own drama.  I mean, really, if I don't even want to think about it myself then why do I write it down for other people to read?  Good question.  And I don't really have an answer, so I just keep writing.  My own brand of emotional catharsis. 

Drama #1: Disability Insurance.  For the record, I went on disability November 19, 2009.  Yes, more than 4 MONTHS ago.  And no, I have STILL not received my disability money.  I have lost track of how many times I have called the offices and spoken to someone who is baffled by why the claim has not yet been resolved.  I know part of the reason is my income is not as easily documented as a regular employee (I elected to pay into the state disability insurance as a self-employed person).  I had to make copies of every single paycheck I have received from all of my clients for 1 year.  I sent that in before Roscoe was even born.  And it is still under review.  The woman I just spoke to this morning told me she has never seen anything like this and is at a loss as to what I can do except wait and call back in a few days (again).  Seriously now, people.  All I could think about when she said that is Heather saying that this would only happen to me (thanks, Heath, it did make me chuckle - on the inside at least).  I don't know about the average person, but going three months without pay is not just pocket change I can take or leave.  This is why I elected to pay for disability before I got pregnant.  Ugh.  Double Ugh.

Drama #2: Childcare.  Just typing the word makes me nauseous.  It didn't used to be the case.  I (ever the optimist) thought it would all just sort itself out because it always does.  I still believe that, I suppose, but I wish we could just skip to where things were sorted instead of having to deal with the sorting.  We met with a potential childcare provider (older woman, caring for children in her home) on Sunday and I about had a panic attack while we there.  I think I said 3 words total the whole time.  And Roscoe screamed like I haven't heard him scream in awhile.  This mama lion just wanted to grab her little cub and run him back the den.  I really don't know what she would have done if she had him all day and we weren't there (I am sure she was thinking the same thing and silently praying we decided on another option).  Ever since then my mind has been racing with different possibilities:

Option 1:  Daycare/in-home childcare: most affordable, but Roscoe is a little more "high need" than your average baby.  I had started to forget this (or think he had outgrown it maybe), but it was apparent when I saw the look of horror on the woman's face on Sunday as she tried to soothe him and he worked himself into a frenzy.  She finally concluded he must be hungry (everyone's conclusion).  He had just eaten a half an hour before.  Knowing that our son needs a little more help calming and getting to sleep, etc, how can we leave him in an environment where it is impossible to pay that much attention to any single child?  And would the chaos of multiple kids around even be an improvement for him over the chaos of coming to work with me?

Option 2:  Nanny: not really affordable, but more doable if I worked more hours (I could theoretically do this if someone else was watching him).  One challenge here is that it would only be for 2 days a week (most nannies want a full-time gig) and she would be coming to our house.  Nice in theory, but not in practice.  I can't imagine asking someone to come to our little shoebox house and take care of our screaming newborn with our 2 pit bulls whining and farting and trying to sit on her lap every time they got scared because a motorcycle started down the street...  I know that is our life (and we love it), but I am well aware this is not everyone's idea of a good time. 

Option 3:  Nanny share: this is the best childcare option, in my mind.  You find a family that already has a nanny and are looking to share the costs of the nanny by including your child.  Great for us because the other family might host (solves dog issue) and it would be a home environment for Roscoe with only a few kids.  And at half of the cost of a nanny.  Finding a good fit, though, is like dating all over again (i.e. pure misery).  Ideally the 2 families live near each other, have children in the same age range (for napping and stroller sharing, etc.), share parenting philosophies and a common language.  Oh, and only want to do the share a couple days a week.  Specifically only on Monday and Wednesday, thank you very much.  Nevertheless this is where I have been focusing and hoping to strike gold. 

Option 4:  Variation (or procrastination) of one of the above options.  This would involve me taking Roscoe with me to work (and me losing at least a few hours of productivity and pay each week) as long as my clients will allow.  With careful attention, I can keep Roscoe just happy enough that he doesn't have a complete meltdown while we are at work.  And since he is already such a flirt, everyone at work has fallen madly for him and would likely put up with a bit more fussing than they would otherwise.  The goal here would be to keep things afloat for another 3 months until Ray quits his job and takes over his dad's business.  Then he could take Roscoe with him 1 day a week (passing the lack of productivity to him for the time being).  This would save us having to make the decision right now and also narrow it down to 1 day a week of childcare when the time comes.

Any opinions?   

Oh wait, I already know another option that is sure to be supported by a few of you...

Option 5:  Quit jobs, sell house and move to Chicago.  We could buy a bigger house for half the price and live off one income there eliminating the need for childcare.  And, if I did work part-time I would have family quite willing to help a girl out.  Oh, and Heather and I could go into business together as accounting dynamos.  It all sounds so perfect.  Except San Francisco is home.  And half of our family (and friends) are here, too.  And Ray's business is here.  And my clients are here.  And no matter where we move our hearts will always be hurting and missing lots of people. 

Comments, suggestions, epiphanies?

Lovely Day

What a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood... won't you be mine?

It is a good day.

Roscoe and I are 99% recovered from our 3 week long colds.  Ray is almost recovered from his nasty stomach bug.  The sun is shining.  The dogs are being bathed.  I am on my 7th load of laundry.  The house is being cleaned.  Roscoe's new diapers are ready for use.  And our son slept for 2.25 hours this morning for a nap!  And in his swing!  I am sure this contributed to the massive productivity on our end.

In my future I see a relaxing weekend hanging out with my boys (and Mela).  Taking a shower (maybe even shaving my legs!), reading the latest People magazine, a trip to the gym, a visit with a potential childcare provider tomorrow, perhaps a long walk in the sunshine.  Maybe even (gasp) finishing the thank you notes for the rest of Roscoe's gifts (I am so ashamed to admit I still have some left to write...*hangs head*).

AND, it is ONLY Saturday!  We have a WHOLE day of weekend still!  Bliss.  

For those that still cannot get enough pictures of Lil Roo, here are the latest.  The first two were taking while he was hanging out with Daddy on Thursday.  The last two are Roscoe hamming it up for Mama on Friday.

Weekend Update

Date Night: Friday night we had a date night.  Or maybe I should say date half-hour.  Roscoe took a nap in the swing (YAY) and Ray and I got to eat together (WOOHOO).  Soy cheese pizza from Goat Hill and some wine.  *Almost* like old times.  Deelish.

Shots: Just when Roo is getting better from his cold we take him to the doctor and give him shots. Poor kid can't catch a break. And since his mama is paranoid about aluminum and other chemicals in the vaccines we are spacing them out which means he will be going to the doctor and getting shots pretty much every month for the rest of his life.  Or at least the rest of the year. 

Moving:  "We" helped our friends Chris and Maria move on Saturday.  Obviously I did not help much, but Roscoe and I had a great time watching everyone work while one of us kept farting and spitting (I won't name names).

Costco: I have a love-hate relationship with Costco. I think the love is due to the fact that I don't really ever shop so it is as close as I get to "fun" shopping.  And yes, I actually get excited to go to Costco (Safeway, too.  Even Walgreens).  Hate because I always spend more than I intend and have loads of food to carry down the block, up the stairs and into the house.  Love because then we have food and packing my lunch for awhile is kind of fun (boy, I need to get out more).

Fight:  Manny Pacquiao fought on Saturday night (and won, go Team Pac Man!) which means our neighbor Dennis rolls his big TV into his garage, invites all his friends over and cooks up some carne asada and rice and beans and tortillas.  Most of his friends don't speak English, but they love Pacquiao and love to give Ray high fives (for being Filipino apparently) and yell Spanish things.  They also always make me a plate and make Ray run it home for me.  I get to eat it at home and play with Roscoe in my pajamas.  Yes, on a Saturday night.  No shame in that.

Gym: So, on Sunday I went to the gym for the first time since Roscoe joined us.  I do walk to work, the vet, the grocery store, etc when I can.  And I wear Roscoe all day at work while I bounce on the exercise ball which has to count for something. But there is a difference between "being active" and "going to the gym," for me at least.  Something about the mindset of being there, though I found it quite freeing being there all out of shape.  Like, no worries, you can laugh at this jiggly old body walking around, it's not MY body.  MY body is... well what is MY body?  I think I vacillate between thinking I am a Muay Thai Fighter and thinking I am still the girl who joined choir in high school (and lip-synced the whole time) just to skip gym.  So, maybe this is MY body after all and I should accept it and go from there.  Because I caught sight of myself in the mirror and the face sure did look like mine... it must be true.

Fluffy Mail:  We have been using a combo of cloth and disposable diapers since Roscoe was born. Mostly because we don't have enough cloth diapers (waiting to see which we like best).  Plus, I haven't been bringing cloth to work.  I already feel like a mule showing up with the stroller, a packed diaper bag, a sling, a carrier, my purse and work bag and my lunch...  Well, I bit the bullet and tried on Monday (with prefolds - they pack smallest) and SUCCESS.  So I just ordered more cloth to complete our stash (YAY).  For those interested, we will have a handful or so One-Size Pockets (Bum Genius, FuzziBunz, Swaddlebees, Happy Heinys), a couple BumGenius One-Size All-in-Ones, a couple Bum Genius Flips, a couple FuzziBunz smalls and a handful of covers for our prefolds.  That way I can do the laundry twice a week on my days off and have enough.  I cannot wait!!

Ray's Dream (for your amusement): The other day Ray dreamt that we had twin girls.  I can only hope this was a premonition for Joel and Karen and not us.  I almost cried just considering the possibility.

And, again, a couple more pics...

My boys:

 

Ikaika and Roscoe during "play time":

And for those that think Roscoe is bald... this is not entirely true, he has a lovely patch of quite long hairs:

Ten Things

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have had a relapse.

By relapse I mean inconsolable crying and not sleeping. I felt like we were making such strides! Sure, me starting work a few weeks ago and getting sick last week (he is improving everyday, by the way) were some bumpy patches, but overall I felt like he was making progress on the "good days." And then we come to now. When did it start? Monday morning? Before then? All I know is that it has been a tough couple of days and it hasn't started to let up yet. I am praying this is only a growth spurt (i.e. finite and short term) and that we will all magically laugh and play and sleep multiple hours in a row before we know it. What this relapse has helped me realize is:

a) Things really were improving. I had *almost* forgotten how ridiculously hard things were when he cried inconsolably all the time. It is exhausting and frustrating and completely defeating. And I realize now that it has returned that we had made a vast improvement in his 2.5 months of life.

and

b) I miss him. Before when he would cry I just thought (more or less) "what the hell did we get ourselves into." Now that we have spent more time together and he is more alert and playful and I know his personality more, I miss all the fun when things are so rough. But I also have more patience because I know that under the fuss there is a happy little clam hiding and waiting for the fussies to pass.

Something else I have been thinking about lately is how quickly the time is passing. Already he is almost 3 months old. Soon he will be sitting up and teething and crawling and eating solids and all sorts of new stuff. I don't want to overlook all of the sweetness that this time offers just waiting to be rid of the harder bits. As a little reflection, here are some of the sweets:

Ten unexpectedly precious and lovable things about right now:

1. Its not like he is able to clean himself so of course you would expect a little toe jam of sock fuzzies, etc. But this boy has little claws for hands and feet! He gets crazy fuzz in his toes and then won't even let you get in there to retrieve it. And those hands! Whenever I pry them open I find little treasures. Fuzz. Strings. My hair.

2. Sometimes I think he is asleep is his carrier and I look down and he is just looking up watching me. And then when he sees me looking he gives me a giant smile.

3. One way we can tell if Roscoe is hungry (vs fussing for another reason) is to put him up against Ray's cheek and see if he tries to "woodpecker." Which involves him opening his mouth like a baby bird and bobbing his head like he is pecking Ray's cheek. It is so cute that sometimes I will wait a minute to feed him just to watch (and laugh).

4. When I hold him in his front carrier both of our bellies stick out just enough that I can feel him breathing in his belly. And I LOVE it.

5. He has this cry that is really more of a cute, pathetic whimper complete with quivering bottom lip and big alligator tears... it is just so freakin cute. I hope he never knows how cute I think it is or he is going to use that to his advantage, I am sure!

6. One of his new tricks (now that he spreads his fingers sometimes) is to rub and grab my belly while he eats. It certainly does nothing for my ego, but I love it nonetheless.

7. Roscoe is learning the art of conversation and we all know he was vocal from his first moments so of course he loves this. I will talk to him and wait and he will gurgle or coo. And then I will make a noise and he will make another noise. All very intently. His Concentration Face mixed in with giant smiles.

8. Roscoe has taken to listening to my conversations and sometimes looking for me when he doesn't see me. Like he knows I'm his mama. *heart*

9. I wrote previously about how much he loves to practice sitting and standing with my help. Well, lately he doesn't have much interest in sitting. Instead, he straightens his legs and insists upon going straight from laying to standing. Odd and adorable.

10. He has such a strong need to suck for comfort that he will suck on any random thing - our clothes, the straps on his carrier, his burp cloth and (one of his faves) Ray's bicep. Thankfully, he sucks on his bicep and not his neck because this giant hickey would have been interesting for Ray to explain to his coworkers:


And a couple more pics for fun...

A Weekend of Firsts

Lots of firsts for our little man this past weekend. It was his first road trip, his first time being in snow and his first time visiting the cabin in Tahoe. He did really well overall - he even slept most of the trips (both ways!). It was really great to be in Tahoe - even going to the grocery store there puts me in a good mood because of all the good memories of being up there. We put on Roscoe's bear suit (a gift from our friends Brian and Parissa) and took a long walk, but he slept the entire way in his carrier so I am not sure he fully appreciated the moment.

It was definitely different than the relaxing weekends we used to have at the cabin. Partly because we have a baby to take care of now and partly because there were Other People there (Other People = strangers). These particular Other People had a 2 year old so terrified of dogs that she cried whenever she caught sight of them and we kept having to cage them up. And yes, they knew we had dogs before they came. And no, we didn't know they had a kid afraid of dogs. Sucked.

There were a total of 5 kids under 5 there and all 4 of the other kids had nasty colds complete with coughing, sneezing and snotty hands everywhere. I have also been taking him to work where inevitably there is That Coworker (or 2 or 3) that is hacking all over the place insisting they couldn't possibly stay home... Multiply that times 3 offices and our poor little tooter didn't stand much of a chance. So, I knew Roscoe was going to get sick. And I know it is building his immunity. But now our little bubba has a stuffy nose, cough, slight fever, post nasal drip that chokes him (and scares the crap out of me when it seems like he stops breathing for a moment!) and I feel so bad. He has also been projectile vomiting. Projectile as in 2 feet out and soaking his clothes, my clothes, the pillow, the blanket, etc. So hard to watch. Especially when we can't do very much to ease his suffering (Rx: humidifier, snot sucker, saline drops, lots of cuddles and lots of extra feedings). His pediatrician thinks the worst of it hit today and it should get better from here and we are really hoping that is true. It is crazy how a simple illness makes me realize how crazy I am about this little bug. So, I am enjoying all of the cuddling and spoiling and just hoping he feels better tomorrow.

It is Baby D's birthday tomorrow (1 year old already), so we had a little birthday do on Saturday night, though I doubt she appreciated the effort. Lisa and Drew also brought us their kids' little play gym thing (you know, where the baby lays on the ground and has little toys hanging above him) Roscoe LOVED it so we took it home with us and it is currently on our living room floor with Ikaika laying under the toys... But when I saw the latest pictures of Ramon that Karen sent through I realized that Ramon has the same one! I love it! So now when Roscoe plays I can imagine Ramon doing the same thing in CO and it is almost like they are cousin bonding already.


And here are some more miscellaneous phone-photos for your viewing pleasure:

At his first art gallery reception for our friend, The Amazing Katrina:

Practicing his kicking and "pushing-off" off of Ikaika (who didn't even flinch):

Snoozing with Tatay in Tahoe:Chilling in his Boppy "Throne" (King of the Castle, King of the Castle):

At work with Mama:

His new favorite move to bust - the "Winner" pose:

When Tatay came home from work we realized they wore matching outfits (how embarrassing):