And so it begins... Although we have been having clandestine work meetings for a month already, Tuesday was my first official day of work. I knew this job would challenge me. I knew it would be a tough transition. I knew my experience does not directly transfer and it would feel like starting over. I knew I would be jumping into a high-stress situation with immediate deadlines while having no idea what I am doing. I still wasn't prepared for how hard it is. If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I am terrified and wondering if I made a very, very big mistake by leaving my familiar, manageable job (and hoping I can pull it all off without getting fired for my utter lack of competence/sanity). Right now I cannot imagine being able to manage this job along with the rest of my life and not sacrifice The Most Important Things To Me and (the few) hours of sleep I am currently getting.
But here is the thing about me. I jump into these ridiculous situations, knowing that I want to be the person that grabs the bull (i.e. life) by the horns and doesn't use fear as an excuse. But I am the biggest chicken in the world. So I put myself into these challenging situations (I mean, who really packs up a Uhaul and moves 3,000 miles by themselves to a place where they don't know anyone? Or decides to study abroad in Spain when they don't even know Spanish yet [I didn't even know more than two tenses existed in Spanish!]? Or starts a consulting business doing something they have no experience doing? Really. Who does that? Oh yeah. Me.) and then (since I am not capable of being easy going) I figure out a way to make it work. And then when it is all done I think, "Damn, girl, that was ridiculous. Don't do that to yourself again." But time goes on and another opportunity hops along and I think about how much I grew during those times and how much more I want to grow as a person and I DO IT AGAIN. And then I curse myself. AGAIN.
So, here we are. This is where I choose between panic (which won't make it go away and will just give me more to stress about) and pep talks. I start giving my self pep talks to convince myself that this situation isn't really as dire as it currently seems.
"C'mon, girl, everyone's first week at a new job is tough."
"If you could pull off consulting doing something you didn't know and learn it all before anyone caught on, you can do it again."
"What is the worst that can happen? You get fired? At least then you would get to see your kids more (temporarily)."
"This is your chance to figure out how to kill it at work and then leave work at work so you don't end up in the emergency room again. What a noble pursuit!"
"Maybe I can work really hard for a year and then I can quit and we can sell our house and cars and move to the country and live off the land and embrace The Simple Life." *cue Excel analysis*
"If I come out alive I could charge big bucks as a fancy consultant and work less..."
I know I will be fine; I always am in the end. If I were single I think I would actually be embracing the intellectual challenge. Life is different now, though, and I am hoping I don't sacrifice my family relationships and my health for something that isn't as important to me. So, here we go... *jumping in with both feet*
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